It took me a long time to find out, but I am not the only one who discovers he has autism in an older age. A well-known example is the actor Anthony Hopkins. My diagnosis is a huge relief and suddenly makes clear to me why I have been struggling with all sorts of things all my life. The many stresses, the burn-outs etc. Why traversing a busy station hall is sometimes absolute horror for me.
What is autism?
If you have a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD), information is processed differently in your brain than in most people. An ASD is not the same in everyone; the characteristics can vary from person to person. However, these characteristics are always related to the following things. Social: it is difficult to read someone properly during social interaction. You also have problems getting your message across to others properly. Occupations: you are very focused on one thing at a time and you do it quite intensively. Stimuli - you are extremely sensitive to stimuli, noise, social interaction, light.
What is my personal autism?
For me personally, my autism means that I have difficulty with social interaction. In addition, I have great camouflaging ability. That is, I have masked the problems with social interaction all these years by learning socially desirable behaviour. For a long time, camouflaging was thought to be good because it increases your chances in society. Now we know that it can lead to exhaustion, anxiety and depression. But don't we all camouflage to some extent? Yes, in a sense we do. However, camouflaging by people with autism is of a very different order, according to researchers - much more intense and therefore more exhausting. It always makes me think of an Albert Camus quote: “Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.”
There is a way to both behave socially acceptable and stay as close to yourself as possible. Through experience, I have learned that being honest with yourself - i.e. accepting yourself as you are - is the key to finding your strength. If you accept your own limits, you can also indicate them better to others.
I have decided, both at work and privately, to be completely open about my ASD and to be visible as such. I see VU Amsterdam as a university where inclusiveness is paramount in all areas. Which belongs to the core values and is in the fibres of the people who work there. That is why I feel free to spread that visibility here. I must say that my colleagues' reactions to my “coming out” have been very positive to downright heartwarming. That is a great support and I thank them for that!
Univers
Last year, I set up a network for neurodivergent VU employees: Univers. By neurodiversity, you can think of autism, ADHD, epilepsy, dyslexia or bipolarity. I have found nice enthusiastic colleagues who help me with this. Who stand beside me to expand the network. We want it to be a place where you can meet colleagues, laugh together, but also support each other. I know from experience that it is also sometimes difficult. Let's make no bones about that. That's why our network is also a support centre. You can tell us your story or get information and advice.
If by now you have become curious about Univers and what we stand for, email univers@vu.nl. And you can always approach me at work with questions about our network or make an appointment for a talk on neurodiversity and work. I hope we can support but also inspire each other. Remember that as a neurodivergent employee, you are not alone.
Gaby den Held
Photo: Petra van Velzen
