Ambivalence and indifference can put romantic relationships under pressure and are associated with lower satisfaction with both the relationship and life. Social psychologist Mirna Duric therefore advocates paying specific attention to both experiences in couples therapy and relationship education.
Emotions within romantic relationships are often complex. Yet, according to Duric, previous research has largely focused on a simplified distinction between positive and negative feelings between romantic partners.
‘My research therefore looks at two other experiences: ambivalence, where someone experiences both positive and negative feelings towards their partner at the same time, and indifference, where someone experiences neither positive nor negative feelings towards their partner.’
According to Duric, both experiences are common, but relatively little is still known about them scientifically.
Ambivalence is associated with unpredictability and difficulties in understanding between partners
Duric describes ambivalence as an emotionally turbulent experience. It can arise in emotionally charged situations in which someone becomes aware of both the positive and negative aspects of their partner or relationship at the same time.
‘When people feel ambivalent towards their partner, their partners see them as unpredictable and difficult to understand. This is associated with lower satisfaction with the relationship and with life in general,’ Duric explains.
Indifference is associated with boredom and less intimacy in the relationship
Indifference, by contrast, is described as an emotionally numbing experience within romantic relationships.
Duric: ‘My research links indifference to greater boredom in the relationship and reduced intimacy between partners. Indifference can also be associated with a desire for other potential partners. As a result, people are likely to feel less satisfied with their current relationship and with life in general.’
Opportunities for couples therapy
Duric hopes that the findings of the research will be applied in interventions for romantic relationships, including couples therapy and relationship education programmes.
‘Both ambivalence and indifference are common experiences that people encounter in their relationships in everyday life,’ says Duric. ‘The findings of our research suggest that both experiences leave specific marks on relationships and may require specific treatment approaches.’
Research in the Netherlands, US and UK
For the research, Duric used survey data from people who had been in a romantic relationship for at least four months. The participants came from the Netherlands, the United States and the United Kingdom.
Duric combined several research methods: cross-sectional research, in which a single survey provides a snapshot of relationship experiences; daily diary studies, such as completing a survey each day for twelve days; longitudinal research, such as measurements every six months over a period of three years; and experimental methods.