Even the happiest couples face challenges in their relationships. Social psychologist Giulia Zoppolat decided to research two common hurdles romantic partners can encounter: feeling both positive and negative emotions toward a partner and the effects of distractions, like being glued to your phone, during interactions.
The quality of our closest relationships, such as those with romantic partners, profoundly impacts our well-being. “When these relationships are satisfying, they help us face life’s challenges and provide great meaning and happiness,” social psychologist Giulia Zoppolat explains. “However, even the happiest couples face challenges in maintaining relationship quality.”
Zoppolat’s dissertation focuses on two specific challenges. “The first is ambivalence, which involves feeling both positive and negative emotions toward a partner,” she says. “The second is the effect of mindless attention, such as distraction during interactions, on relationship quality. For instance, being glued to your phone during conversations.”
These issues are familiar to many, but research on how people navigate them over time is scarce. Importantly, Zoppolat emphasizes that encountering these challenges doesn’t mean a relationship is failing. “Even in strong, loving relationships, couples face common challenges that can affect their happiness,” she says.
Ambivalence
Take ambivalence, for example. People often feel mixed emotions toward their partner, experiencing both love and frustration simultaneously. For example, people might feel like their partner is very supportive on some days, but less supportive on other days, or feel like their partner brings a lot of excitement to their lives but can also sometimes be unreliable, and these mixed experiences can give rise to conflicting feelings about the partner. “My research shows that while these feelings can strain a relationship and negatively impact well-being—for instance, by causing stress—they aren’t always harmful,” Zoppolat notes. “Ambivalence is often tied to specific situations, such as when the relationship feels threatened.”
Distraction is another pervasive challenge. “What we call distracted attention can harm relationship quality, and couples are particularly vulnerable to this during periods of stress,” Zoppolat explains. However, her research also highlights a solution: mindfulness. “Couples who are more present and focused during interactions experience fewer misunderstandings when interpreting each other’s emotions, especially during conflict.”
Experiments
Improving romantic relationships is central to emotional and physical well-being. Couples, therapists, and relationship educators can benefit from Zoppolat’s findings. “Understanding that mixed feelings toward a partner are normal and situational, rather than a sign of failure, can help couples navigate conflicts with less anxiety,” she says. “Similarly, practicing mindful attention, like putting down devices during conversations, can strengthen connections and reduce misunderstandings, especially during stressful times.”
Zoppolat conducted her research using a combination of experiments, daily diaries, and surveys. In one study, participants engaged in laboratory conversations with their partner about an issue in their relationship. Daily diary studies involved participants reporting their experiences, emotions, and interactions with their partner over consecutive days, providing insight into real-life dynamics. Zoppolat: “This approach allowed me to examine relationship challenges from different angles, providing a rich, comprehensive understanding of how couples navigate common difficulties and what the consequences were of these challenges.”